Category: building confidence

Giving your child the right kind of praise

Posted on | by KD Novelties

There are so many different facets to parenting, that praising children for their successes and accomplishments seem like a given. It sounds like it should be the easiest thing to do, especially since any parent would love to be able to celebrate things their child has done whether it be doing their homework, remembering their chores, or winning a prize. But praise can also lead to arrogance, and negative comments can be disheartening.

According to Michelle Macias, MD, an associate professor of pediatrics at the Medical University of South Carolina and a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics, “A parent’s job is to shape children’s behavior. Children consider praise a reward in itself, and praise is a way to help them learn which kinds of behaviors are acceptable, even from the earliest days.”

She also suggests offering kids ten positive comments for every negative one. Praise is often seen as enough of a reward, and provides satisfying amounts of incentive for kids to do good and to keep trying their best. And while negative comments can be hurtful, they can still help steer kids towards making better choices while also teaching them that it’s okay to make mistakes, especially if they learn from them.

Process vs. Outcome
It’s also important that parents notice what they offer praise for. Is it for behavior or innate qualities? Things like compassion, consideration, and dedication are all great qualities to have. But praising children for being smart can be tricky sometimes.

The American Psychological Association recently published a report that discussed a group of fifth graders that were asked to complete a series of math problems. Some children were given praise for being smart whereas others were given praise for their hard work. The children who were praised for their intelligence ultimately performed poorly, perhaps because they believed that their smarts would help them solve the equations without added effort. The children who were praised for their hard work performed better and proved to be more diligent and persistent in their ability to solve the math problems.

Being smart is a great quality, but focusing your praise on the process, not the outcome, can help produce a positive can-do attitude in children, regardless of other innate abilities or characteristics.

Additionally, offering praise for a child’s process can still prove to be positive if they do not achieve the result they desired. If a child is smart, and is praised for being smart but gets something wrong, they may begin to doubt their intelligence. But for children who are praised for their hard work and diligent thinking, they may be inspired to keep trying if they know the journey is ultimately worth it.

The How and the Why
Researchers claim that how you offer praise is more impactful than the words you use. For younger children, making eye contact and using their name proves to be effective, especially since marked moments like these are more likely to be remembered.

But the way in which you say things doesn’t completely trump your word choice, either. Outright negative comments are not always productive, so wording things a certain way can help inspire kids to keep trying or to explore another approach to a problem or a certain behavior. You can laud them for their ability to get certain things right, but offer help where they’re struggling while promising to let them try again at a later time.

It’s also important to keep tabs on how often you offer praise, too. Too much praise can be damaging, and over time it can lose its power. If a child hears “good job” often enough, it may not mean much of anything to them anymore. Try to be selective when it comes to certain accomplishments, but also consider picking out a specific characteristic of their accomplishment that can be focused on – instead of telling your child that you “love” every picture they draw, pick a favorite part of the drawing, whether it’s the use of color or the subject matter. Make each bit of praise count.

Overpraising, saying things like “you’re the best” or “you’re the smartest” can also be harmful as well. Parents should want their children to have a healthy sense of self-esteem, but too much can lead to arrogance and unrealistic expectations of the outside world as well.

The key is to keep self-esteem and optimism close. Encouraging kids to try harder, and applauding them for their hard work, can go a long way. There are ways you can point out areas where they can improve, but it is vital that you lend a guiding hand instead of push them in a certain direction. Keep things balanced, and pay attention to the little things.

For more parenting tips and resources please be sure to follow us here, share with your world and be sure to visit us at www.KDNovelties.com for personalized books for kids where they become the stars of their very own stories.

 

How To Build Your Child’s Confidence – Without Spoiling Them!

Posted on | by KD Novelties
Building Confidence without Spoiling Kids
Confidence can be powerful. Studies show that confidence is key when it comes to success, whether it be in academics, relationships, or climbing up the career ladder. One of the main things that parents want to teach their children is the power of their own self-confidence. Having a healthy amount can help kids excel at school and make friends with ease. But overconfidence can lead to arrogance, and there is a big difference between these two things.

A recent study conducted by the Ohio State University that increasing narcissistic qualities in children can be attributed to their parents’ treatment of them. Believing that your child can do whatever they set their mind to is completely healthy, but giving them unrealistic ideas in the valuation of their achievements and abilities consistently over time can be an issue. Confidence is defined as “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities and judgement” whereas the definition of arrogance (or ‘to be arrogant’) is “having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities”. Many parents may know what it is like to feel unsure or unsuccessful and do not want their children to feel this way at all. This is totally understandable – we have all been there. But riding the line between a healthy sense of self-confidence and a strong sense of arrogance can be tricky.

Are you spoiling your kids?

As parents, you want your child to feel special, to feel loved, and to trust in their abilities. A child with healthy self-confidence will have realistic ideas and goals, they will be able to learn from their mistakes, and they will be able to take failings or shortcomings in stride. Not everyone is perfect, and while not doing so well on a school test or not winning a contest can make anyone feel sad, it’s nothing to throw a tantrum over. Parents usually may want to step in and correct their children’s mistakes, do all of the hard work for them, and let them know that they are extremely special.  While your child is certainly an important person they still need to understand that hard work goes a long way, that nobody’s perfect and that they can still pick themselves up after they fall relying on themselves, and not solely on mommy or daddy.


It’s important for parents to realize when they need to let their children deal with issues on their own. That doesn’t mean ignoring their problems completely, though. Show them emotional support and give them advice, but letting mommy or daddy fix every problem can lead to more complicated problems down the road as they get older. Not only will they think that they can do no wrong, but they will not fully understand the concept of consequences or know how to learn and grow from their mistakes.

Building a child’s confidence is still key, especially early on. Encouraging kids to try new things and learn new skills can help a great deal. Personalized children’s books are a great way to get kids confident in their reading skills and can even help kids when it comes to self-actualizing and setting goals for themselves. When kids see the book versions of themselves accomplishing great things and saving the day, they can better imagine achieving the same things in their everyday lives. Personalized books can help kids when it comes to learning, for example learning to use the potty, learning a new sport or simply reading on their own. These are all activities that kids learn at a young age and some may struggle with it, especially when they first start out. It can be easy to get discouraged, but it’s important not to excuse or ignore these feelings. Teaching kids to work through these difficult feelings and empowering them with the idea that they can accomplish great things with practice and hard work can be invaluable to their self-confidence for life.

In addition to introducing kids to personalized books, there are several things you can do to help their self-esteem and confidence without encouraging arrogance. Sometimes, when your children fall (whether literally or figuratively), you just have to let them fall. Be there for them when they do, but kids need to learn that actions have consequences. This perpetuates the idea that kids are responsible for their actions, so they should learn to be held accountable and do so in a healthy way. Giving kids chores and tasks helps too, it not only makes them a working member of the family but it gives them a sense of responsibility. Challenging kids is important, too. Making things too easy for them will not only make them spoiled, but they will not know how to learn and grow as a person. Encourage them to pick up a new skill or to get better and perfect one that they already have. Listening to their thoughts and feelings is vital as well. Not only can doing so strengthen your relationship, but it provides parents with the opportunity to learn about their child’s fears, insecurities and can allow them a time to vent. Expressing emotion is vital to understanding emotion. It helps kids grow and learn what some of their actual strengths are.


It may be difficult as a parent to watch your child go through difficulties, but helping them through it instead of sweeping it under the rug can do a lot for their character. They will be able to build a healthy sense of self-confidence that they can rely on instead of falling back on an unrealistic view of themselves that may only hurt in the long run.